God Saved Me?

 This is a repost of something I wrote on Facebook, mid-2012.

I need to talk about something that is deeply upsetting and problematic to me, but I'm afraid that it's going to offend people that I care about. So let me state up front that offending people is not at all my intention.

A year and a half ago, I nearly died. That's not hyperbole; it's fact. It took three emergency surgeries before the doctor believed I even had a hope of surviving, but for the first couple days, my loved ones were told that there was a good chance I wasn't going to make it. In fact, if I had been older, not in good health otherwise, or were it three years ago (before the technology used to save my life was invented), they wouldn't have even attempted to save me. I would have died.

Almost immediately, I was told in one way or another, "God saved your life."

To which I have to respond: "I don't have the words to convey how offensive that is."

(Let me try to find the words.)

Why I Don't Believe In God

This post has been brought over from my old blog. It was originally posted May 1, 2012.  Please note that while I include it for completeness, if I were to write this post again today, there would be a couple significant changes. Maybe I will re-write it at some point. But rather than being a perfect exploration of my current feelings and beliefs, this post is instead a snapshot of my thoughts as I was still coming to terms with my recent atheism.


It wasn’t because of  a tragedy.

It had nothing to do with those who call themselves followers of Christ, and yet do evil.
 
It’s not youthful rebellion, or a way to get back at my parents. (Note: I mean, it's really, really not.  My biggest regret about losing my faith is the hurt it causes my folks.  I get really fucking tired of this assertion.)
 
It wasn’t because I wanted carte blanche to run my life as I wanted.   

It wasn’t because I wanted to be different.
 
It wasn’t because I wanted to cause trouble.

It wasn’t something I went looking for.

And when I finally accepted it, it was with deep reluctance, and I still wished there was some way to go back.

I’m talking about why I am no longer a Christian.
 
I have been getting some questions about why I no longer believe in God, and I’ve been putting off giving a more public explanation, even though I know friends and family would probably like to understand what seems like a sudden and dramatic change.  I finally decided to just write up a blog post to point people to.  There's just not enough room on facebook.
 
I’ve been hesitant, for a couple of reasons.  First, it’s a more formal “coming out” as an atheist.  Secondly, I don’t want to offend anyone, and by explaining why I don’t believe something, it can seem as though I’m demeaning those who still do believe, which is certainly not my intention.  So let’s get that straight from the get-go: if you’re looking to be offended, you might be, but if you’re looking to understand me and other atheists like me, keep reading.